Roses are red
And Violets are blue
I want nothing to do with you
You’ve made your bed
We are through
I hate you more than gum on my shoe
I know what you’re thinking …
That can’t be said
I have no idea what goes on in that crazy ass head
I’m sure your apology is sincere
We will keep on going
Just out of your fear
That roses are red
And Violets are blue
And I’m the best that you can do
But in the meantime
Until the kids are grown
I want a kitten or a puppy
Mixed with disgust, fury
and um fear and contempt
preferably pure shock,
but a good quality artificial shock will also work
with a hint guilt and indoctrination
and of course bottled in mythology and courage
Only sold in the most honored societies and worn by the bravest and most selfless individuals
Gotta love that new war smell!
In a world of evil machines
One machine I must protest
Machine #1 has been said,
to put Vladimir Putin sex dreams inside your head
The Machine has been aimed as a test
At the population of women in the Midwest
to remove Hugh Jackman dreams and then I dread
Insert Vladimir Putin sex dreams Instead
So please stop this evil quest.
and vote Republican, This is not a jest!
The evil of this machine would become obscene
If Anthony Weiner had this machine!
It may sound romantic, but in search of that elusive metaphor, poets can be somewhat “eccentric.”
- If you date a poet everyone will think you are the jerk they are writing about.
- You will be the jerk they are writing about.
- They have an unnatural affection for book stores and office supply stores.
- They have deep conversations with Animals, Clouds, and Grecian Urns.
- Excessive use of “poetry hands.”
- Excessive abuse of “poetic licence.”
- Excessive use of “melancholy.”
- Excessive use of “dramatic emphasis.”
- They collect obscure words that have not been in circulation for at least 100 years or more.
- They insert these antediluvian words into conversations just to rebel.
- They think children’s books are sublime.
- They refuse to care where the remote is.
- All of their furniture are positioned around windows, for them to stare out for hours at a time.
- Your parents will think they are possessed.
- They are possessed.
- You will lose all arguments, or feel so guilty from causing them more emotional pain, you will wish you had lost.
- They will secretly judge your metaphors.
- They carry a notebook everywhere and let everyone see it but you.
- They hoard pens and refuse to let you borrow them.
- They are obsessed with incredibly depressing films.
- They listen to every single kind of music you can imagine, even Brazilian monkey howling listening for universal truth.
- They keep conversations going way too long.
- You will never know if they agree with you or are just following you down the rabbit hole to see how crazy you are.
- They will visit other rabbit holes.
- They can’t keep secrets. It will come out thinly veiled and mythologized in their poetry.
- It takes a least a week to a year for them to form their opinion, and that opinion is subject to change, because they are always questioning themselves.
- They speak in rhyme all the time.
- They talk to everyone, which a lot of people find scary, especially at the grocery store.
- They don’t understand why if murder, rape, slavery, and genocide are illegal, then why is war legal?
- They actually think people need to be protected from Monsanto, instead of protecting Monsanto.
- They do not understand why all of a sudden group “X” is hated by everyone.
- They don’t understand the global threat of Dandelions and why they must be eradicated the with toxic chemicals.
- They refuse to care about celebrities.
- They are rebels and purposely wear white shoes after Labor Day.
- They think espresso machines and tiny cups are magic.
They refuse to #textspeak. They invented #textspeak.
- They will make you empty out your head and heart like junk drawers and question everything in them.
- They can not live without passion.
- There will be drama.
- They crave plot twists.
- Their greatest fear is no will understand their allusions.
- They mine for emotional shrapnel like diamonds.
- Their euphemisms will never measure up.
- They can only live or visit cities with poetry open mics.
- Whatever is wrong, they have a tea for it, and probably a cookie, definitely a wine.
- They attempt to interject malapropisms into every conversation.
- They have their own antagonist and nemesis.
- They sneak dord into conversations in an attempt to make it a real word.
- They abuse asyndetons.
- But the most important reason never to date a poet is that poetry is an addiction, and before you know it, you will be the addict in search of your next metaphoric hit of universal truth.
So, You were warned!