NaNoWriMo 2014

And so it begins …

Send in the Clowns

Chapter 1

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It was hard for some to take him seriously.  His business did not seem serious, and yet here we are.  Waiting for his announcement.  Waiting for a clown to announce is running for the office of President of the United States of America.

Here in his casino waiting for him to announce another presidential run.  Everyone knows this is just publicity for his new business, or book or whatever, but here we are.  Waiting.  Seriously.  Why is this news?  Oh yea, because in America we have choices in our elections.  We could even choose to elect this clown.  We can literally elect a clown for the first time in history.  We have elected soldiers, lawyers, business men, an actor, so why not a clown.  Are those cocktails?  Is he serving the press cocktails?  at a press conference?  Oh yea, he has my vote.

“I want to thank everyone for coming out.  I have two announcements”, he announced with a wink.  “One .. I am running for President of the United States, and Two, Yes I am serious.”

Groans and cheers erupt from the crowd.

“Now, Now,  I know you see me as a joke, but look around at the other choices.  Business men who out source jobs, professional politicians who sell out the highest bidding lobby, and manipulate voters with fear and fake pride, but will not look at the issues fairly and throw out old beliefs just because they are familiar.  Racist, sexist, elitist, and broken.  All because of tradition.  If I hear one more time “This is how the founding fathers, blah blah blah…  Really the same founding fathers that owned slaves, and gave all the power to the land owners.  I am not saying we should throw out the constitution, I am saying they were not perfect, and we have different issues.  We live in a different world, and we need to be just a forward thinking as they were for their time.  We need to deal with equal rights, equal pay, and equal opportunity’s.  In America anyone can run for office even me.  I am tired of clown prejudice, fear of clowns, even hatred of clowns.  We are seen as a joke.  Well its not funny.  and it’s time for all that to change.  Now I know many see my business interests as questionable, but I employ thousands of Americans and I make sure all my guest workers are legal and well paid.  I am a lawyer, and a business owner.  I am in a unique position.  I do not need to beg from lobbyists for funding.  I can finance my own campaign and promote it in my own media networks.  How many other candidates can make those claims?  No one.  Now I would like to take questions from the press.  Okay, you over there.”

 

“Yes, I am Ben Green, from The New York Times, Is it true you are a pimp, and drug dealer?”

 

The crowd erupts in jeers and laughs.

 

“Ah that, well I am glad you asked.  Marijuana is legal in Colorado, so yes in a sense that is partially true, but I am not a pimp.  I have given legal and business advice to prostitutes here in Nevada, where prostitution is legal, but that is not the same as promoting prostitution.  It turns out prostitutes occasionally need legal counsel as well as other people.  In America everyone, even prostitutes have the right to legal counsel, even when guilty of bad judgment.

and you over there.”

 

“Yes, I am Bob Thomas, from Mother Jones magazine, Is it true you won’t let your wife make statements during your campaigns?  Is that some kind of misogynist attempt to repress women around you?

 

“My wife supports me 100 percent.  That is her choice, she would tell you herself, but she could not be here and she is a mime.  My entire family supports my decision and will be traveling with me to all the events I will attend during the campaign.

How about you there.”

 

“I am Sadie O’Neil, from The Houston Chronicle, Why do you refuse to change the name of your football team despite public outcry to the name being racist and derogatory?”

 

“Oh that, Well it’s my opinion that the name is inspirational and historically accurate, and if you ask the players if it offends them they will tell you it does not offend them.”

 

“It is not just my opinion that the name ‘White Devil’s”  is not only offensive, it is incendiary,” exclaimed Sadie.

 

“Again it depends who you ask, and why is that important?  At the end of the day I just want to root for my home team and wear the coolest looking sports swag.  It isn’t about what the players do, it is not about their personal lives, or any of that.  It is about bringing tourists into the city, screaming with your neighbors and pigging out on game days, and anything else is just you being a selfish elitist.”

 

“You see, sighed Sadie, That is exactly what I am talking about.  Self Promotion.  A president has to think about the consequences of his actions on everyone, and you don’t seem capable of even contemplating that.”

 

“No, you don’t see.  This is America.  This is how it works.  How it rolls.  Business drives needs, desires, and ambition.  For allot of people that is enough, but not for everyone.  Not for me.  The name is horrible.  I agree, but is it offensive.  I would love to see people boycott it.  They should, but guess what they are not.  At least not enough to notice, so go ahead, boycott, and while you are out there being high and mighty you might want to look where all your money is going, because that is what I do everyday.  That is what I would do as President.  Where is the money going, the influence, the power.  That is not what is going on right now in Congress.  As an independent I can work with both parties, because I speak a common language.  Money.  I can meet them in the middle or I can negotiate a middle.  I do not have to settle for a party line.  I am independent.  Are there any questions regarding my actual platform?  Yes, you over there.

 

“Yes, I’m Tara Munk, from CBS, What is your position on Global Warming?”

 

“Well Tara, I believe in science and pollution, and I feel it is important to do everything to prevent a global apocalypse.  You can call global warming or whatever you want, but it will be a priority for me because there is no planet b, so my policy would be to encourage all Americans to do there part for the environment and to make sure business’s follow the law and understand there role in the environment.  America also has a global responsibility to influence and help other countries environmental concerns.  We must participate in world summits and other goody two shoes sorts of events, and I will.  Who doesn’t love a good summit.  and speaking globally I understand Americas role in being a good neighbor and just getting along with people.  When did it become us and them.  Oh yea, always.  Well that crap is over.  Yea, I said it, Crap, Crap, Crap, Crap.   Any more agenda questions?  Yes, you over there.”

 

“Yes, Mike Young, ABC news, Honestly, Do you think you are qualified to lead America during a war?”

 

“Well Mike, I honestly don’t think anyone is.  I would surround myself with the best cabinet, and I would also insist, even to the point of executive order that Congress and the Senate debate and make decisions on every conflict.  I think the legislative branch has a job to do and the first thing I would do is hold them responsible for it.  I would like for the American public to be able to fire members of Congress and the Senate who do not do their job.  If they are not creating laws, confirming appointments, showing up to meetings and hearing, listening to constituents, and so on.  Anyone else in any other job would get fired.  Why are highly paid government officials allowed to act like slacker pot heads on perpetual spring break?   How many vacations do they have?  In closing I would like to see Americas Dream realized.  In reality not in propaganda poster children and delusional hype.  It is really important that Americans vote with their brains and their hearts.  I am a clown.  You know where you stand with me.  Right in the middle.  We have problems, but if we made the problems or let someone make them, we can fix them.  The question of war is the most important one on the table at this moment, because we seem to be expected to jump in and protect everyone with issues now, and everyone has issues.  I for one would like to think there are other options to consider first.  And there are other times when we can’t wait.  America however is not and can not be everything to everyone, but we can lead coalitions to help many.  And I for one would make our leaders lead and not squabble around trivial history and tradition at the expense of the present and future.  So please, I leave it in your hands America.  Let me be part of the solution.

Thank you”

 

And he leaves the stage to politely applause and open bar.  Yes,  it is still hard to take him seriously, but it is easy to listen, because in America, we all think we have a choice, and if this guy can get on the ballot, well maybe we really do have a choice.  He might not be a great choice, but he certainly will make following the campaign more interesting for the average television viewer.   And the rest of the world…  What are they thinking about a blue haired clown with a big red nose potentially running the white house?   What is Russia thinking?   What indeed?  Then they know we are nuts.

 

 

_______________________1681

 

There you have it.  No corrections and plenty room to cut, but day one NaNoWriMo down

and plenty of room for editing

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I want a kitten, or a puppy or a divorce

Roses are red
And Violets are blue
I want nothing to do with you

You’ve made your bed
We are through
I hate you more than gum on my shoe

I know what you’re thinking …
No!
That can’t be said
I have no idea what goes on in that crazy ass head

I’m sure your apology is sincere
We will keep on going
Just out of your fear

That roses are red
And Violets are blue
And I’m the best that you can do

But in the meantime
Until the kids are grown
I want a kitten or a puppy

New War Smell

NaPoWriMo Notebook

Ahh… Indignation

Mixed with disgust, fury

and um fear and contempt

Definitely shock

preferably pure shock,

but a good quality artificial shock will also work

with a hint guilt and indoctrination

and of course bottled in mythology and courage

Only sold in the most honored societies and worn by the bravest and most selfless individuals

Gideon’s best

Gotta love that new war smell!

The Machine #1

NaPoWriMo Notebook

Machine #1

In a world of evil machines

One machine I must protest

Machine #1 has been said,

to put Vladimir Putin sex dreams inside your head

The Machine has been aimed as a test

At the population of women in the Midwest

to remove Hugh Jackman dreams and then I dread

Insert Vladimir Putin sex dreams Instead

So please stop this evil quest.

and vote Republican, This is not a jest!

The evil of this machine would become obscene

If Anthony Weiner had this machine!

50 Reasons Not To Date A Poet

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It may sound romantic, but in search of that elusive metaphor, poets can be somewhat  “eccentric.”

  1. If you date a poet everyone will think you are the jerk they are writing about.
  2. You will be the jerk they are writing about.
  3. They have an unnatural affection for book stores and office supply stores.
  4. They have deep conversations with Animals, Clouds, and Grecian Urns.
  5. Excessive use of  “poetry hands.”
  6. Excessive abuse of  “poetic licence.”
  7. Excessive use of  “melancholy.”
  8. Excessive use of  “dramatic emphasis.”
  9. They collect obscure words that have not been in circulation for at least 100 years or more.
  10. They insert these antediluvian words into conversations just to rebel.
  11. They think children’s books are sublime.
  12. They refuse to care where the remote is.
  13. All of their furniture are positioned around windows, for them to stare out for hours at a time.
  14. Your parents will think they are possessed.
  15. They are possessed.
  16. You will lose all arguments, or feel so guilty from causing them more emotional pain, you will wish you had lost.
  17. They will secretly judge your metaphors.
  18. They carry a notebook everywhere and let everyone see it but you.
  19. They hoard pens and refuse to let you borrow them.
  20. They are obsessed with incredibly depressing films.
  21. They listen to every single kind of music you can imagine, even Brazilian monkey howling listening for universal truth.
  22. They keep conversations going way too long.
  23. You will never know if they agree with you or are just following you down the rabbit hole to see how crazy you are.
  24. They will visit other rabbit holes.
  25. They can’t keep secrets.  It will come out thinly veiled and mythologized in their poetry.
  26. It takes a least a week to a year for them to form their opinion, and that opinion is subject to change, because they are always questioning themselves.
  27. They speak in rhyme all the time.
  28. They talk to everyone, which a lot of people find scary, especially at the grocery store.
  29. They don’t understand why if murder, rape, slavery, and genocide are illegal, then why is war legal?
  30. They actually think people need to be protected from Monsanto, instead of protecting Monsanto.
  31. They do not understand why all of a sudden group “X” is hated by everyone.
  32. They don’t understand the global threat of Dandelions and why they must be eradicated the with toxic chemicals.
  33. They refuse to care about celebrities.
  34. They are rebels and purposely wear white shoes after Labor Day.
  35. They think espresso machines and tiny cups are magic.
  36. They refuse to #textspeak.  They invented #textspeak.
  37. They will  make you empty out your head and heart like junk drawers and question everything in them.
  38. They can not live without passion.
  39. There will be drama.
  40. They crave plot twists.
  41.  Their greatest fear is no will understand their allusions.
  42. They mine for emotional shrapnel like diamonds.
  43. Their euphemisms will never measure up.
  44. They can only live or visit cities with poetry open mics.
  45. Whatever is wrong, they have a tea for it, and probably a cookie, definitely a wine.
  46. They attempt to interject malapropisms into every conversation.
  47. They have their own antagonist and nemesis.
  48. They sneak dord into conversations in an attempt to make it a real word.
  49. They abuse asyndetons.
  50. But the most important reason never to date a poet is that poetry is an addiction, and before you know it, you will be the addict in search of your next metaphoric hit of universal truth.

So, You were warned!