This is the first draft of my opening paragraph for my NANOWRIMO book (for now.). It helps if you read it in the voice of Stephen Fry or Peter jones (but doesn’t everything.)

Edward was an alcoholic, and an ass. He was not an ass because he was an alcoholic, but he was a alcoholic because it gave him an excuse to be an ass. If anything the alcohol made him a friendlier ass. (#Expand on that later) it also gave him an excuse to miss Sunday morning tv (#) and his wife’s attempt’s at running and naked yoga. His life was over, or at least his real life, and he knew it, but alcohol made it better.
And now for something completely different….

So it is November and the first day of NANOWRIMO, Oh and my MAC is no longer with us :, ( so I am doing it the old fashioned way (with paper) oh and an iPhone. So I will only be posting a paragraph daily because I am on a phone and it will probably su… No it definitely will be amateur. I have never done anything well the first time. (sorry James)
Okay now that you know way too much about me. Happy NANOWRIMO !! Here is my first first draft.
“unlovable.” It was just a word to Edward. A word he used to tear Iris down. it was a word he heard his head and it worked on him, so it would, he assumed, work on her as well. She would feel just as bad as he did and they would then be free to live happily ever after, or that was the plan. They would both be equally miserable. They would both be equally broken, but he would be in charge. She would look to him for her self-esteem and her worldview.
He also used words like Slow and stupid and selfish and sheep. And they worked because these were some of the words that were in her head as well, but hearing them out loud was more powerful, because she couldn’t just say she was being paranoid or insecure. They just seemed more real. So yes it was cruel and insensitive, but he thought it was effective. It was not something he really thought about. It was not a plan. It was a reaction. It was a defensive reaction. He was defending himself against his mother’s wrath. Edwards mother, Eunice had her own demons, and made sure she passed them on to her oldest son Edward. There was a time when he was was her favorite, which turned out not to be a very good thing. It was a little like Eva Braun being Hitler’s favorite.
Okay so there you go. My first attempt at being Tolstoy. I have no idea if I spelled Eunice right, but I may change her name anyway.
So if you have any terrible name ideas for terrible people please post them. That would be awesome.
Betty G