This is the first draft of my opening paragraph for my NANOWRIMO book (for now.). It helps if you read it in the voice of Stephen Fry or Peter jones (but doesn’t everything.)
Edward was an alcoholic, and an ass. He was not an ass because he was an alcoholic, but he was a alcoholic because it gave him an excuse to be an ass. If anything the alcohol made him a friendlier ass. (#Expand on that later) it also gave him an excuse to miss Sunday morning tv (#) and his wife’s attempt’s at running and naked yoga. His life was over, or at least his real life, and he knew it, but alcohol made it better.