Oh how the lost run free. Into the wild rushing as if there were no risks, or it doesn’t matter because if it’s all fixed anyway remember, maybe you can change the world.
But that is not what happened, the world changed you, squashed flat, and not even your stain remains. But the soldiers death does not stop you. Tomorrow you will be back with new recruits and this time perhaps you will breakthrough.
You need to stop, but we both know you can’t do that. Can you?
If this is it, and it could be, I am not going out yelling at someone about a mask. I’ve tried to explain to people that we wear a mask to protect other people, but either they do not understand or they just do not care. They just say, “well it’s in Gods hands,”or “I’m not worried about it.” (So you are not worried about about protecting other people, or God will protect them, not your problem, it was their time). That is what is so disturbing. The lack of consideration for people who may be at risk. Then there is the hoarding, so there is nothing I can say, and honestly I’ve come to the conclusion it doesn’t matter. The masks and the hoarding have become just another thing to get angry about in a very angry world. I’m just letting it go. This is the end of everything we knew before. New Year, New World. Let’s see what happens.
How did I get here. I don’t even like to think about it really. I just did. I didn’t have the luxury of plan A, and I refuse to get sucked into the abyss of self reflective malaise. I am here, and every once in a while I’m okay with that. I sit at my back window and feed my squirrels peanuts, I write poems, I go on walks and have conversations with my neighbors, I go to the gym, I meditate and practice yoga, or think about doing it, and at least twice a day I sit and make myself remember it’s okay. I’m thankful for all that. I am thankful for conversations with my cat, the squirrel that scratches at my back door for peanuts and to remind me to fill the bird/squirrel feeder and all the little things that have nothing to do with politics or how fat I’m getting or whatever I should have done or said differently.
Everyone goes to the grocery store. Or they used too. The pandemic has brought us home delivery and curbside service and I have a feeling people are not going to give that up, but there is still the opportunity to meet people from everywhere if you go in the store, or better yet, if you work in the store.
I am very lucky to work at a store that is closed today. I hope you don’t have to work today either, but if you do, you will not be seeing me, because if people like me didn’t shop on holidays and Sundays stores would not open. It is an easy fix. If holidays are important to you observe them, and then help other people observe them too by just staying out of the stores. If the store doesn’t make money, they won’t open. If the store isn’t open you won’t have to run any errands out to the stores. So there you have it win/win. Everyone gets to enjoy the holiday.
I partly wish I had kept a diary during for 2020, but I didn’t. So that is that. I am partly glad I didn’t write about it. It was an angry year and I was just as angry as everyone else. I would kind of like to forget that part. I got sucked into the rhetoric and fear and the lethargy of that lost year as much as anyone. Any journaling I would have done would have turned into me grumbling about everything everyone else was grumbling about, and there was already too much of that out there. There were points in the year when it really felt like this could be it for us, the end of humanity. We couldn’t even be bothered to wear a mask for 10 minutes in a store to protect our fellow man from contracting a deadly disease. I really shouldn’t be talking about it like it is over. The issues of 2020 are not over. The vaccines have just begun to be administered. How many of us will get them? And honestly the pandemic was just the tip of the iceberg. The rhetoric and hate that had, if we are honest, always been here, and we still do. So, rest in peace 2020. It was not your fault.